In this article I discuss two types of decision which have enormous impacts on our lives, but for which we are often tragically under-prepared.

The Decision to Marry

“Our evolution has not prepared us well for marriage.” (Desmond Morris) In the rough and tumble of evolution a child with “bonded” parents had a greater chance of survival (and still does). Accordingly, our genes have organized us to “fall in love.” In a small minority of cases this exhilarating state is maintained for an adult lifetime. But approximately 40% of marriages begin with “love,” and end in divorce. Our huge brains (puzzlingly over-developed, according to many geneticists) don’t seem to be able to over-ride our very strong genetic programming to spread our seed. Various forms of unfaithfulness, (27%) are cited as the major reasons for divorce, followed by domestic violence 17%, midlife crises 13%, and addictions 6% (Thornton 2006). “Unhappiness” or tension in marriages is associated with financial arguments, with disruptive peer groups and negative family attitudes. Unfortunately common beliefs, bolstered by the movies and literature, perpetuate the myth of the “in love” bond to the point where many young persons consider “love” to be the necessary and sufficient condition to justify the decision to marry!

Our big brains evidently do not cope with the divorce problem mainly, I would suggest, because marriage decisions are seldom made rationally, that is, by taking into account the readily available data on how to make a sound decision. If you type “marriage decision” into Google, you will be able to call up any of 180 million references! Everyone contemplating marriage should do some reading and bear in mind that you are no more “in love” than the 40% of adults were who have been divorced. Of course there are numerous exceptions to the following, but better chances of success in marriage are associated with:

1. marrying later, rather than before 25
2. avoiding conflicts of religious faiths
3. avoiding strong differences in social/educational backgrounds
4. ensuring reasonable financial support

An interesting research study reported in 1980 that similarities in the discrepancies between the self and the “ideal self” of each partner give us a better chance. Think about it.

Do some research before you marry, and bear in mind the 40% risk of the horrible arguments and disruptions which precede divorces, as well as the negative impacts on the children, and their children.

The Decision to Have Children

“Parenthood is a very important profession but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interests of the children” said George Bernard Shaw. Various other philosophers and social commentators have also dared to suggest the imposition of a child-rearing license. The massive and widespread emotional rejections of any such suggestions are a further indication of the power of our genes over our intellects, mainly by persons of a purported “humanitarian” leaning who express horror at the implied restriction of liberty. I do not believe that an under-privileged 15 year old couple should have the right to produce an infant, which would be a de-facto act of cruelty in defiance of the rights of the child. It is interesting to note that the Chinese, so often pilloried by intellectuals of the left for their mandatory birth control policies have probably vastly enhanced the care and nurturance of children born, and avoided millions of irresponsibly conceived births into poverty, malnourishment and abuse.